Darkening curtains and yellow flowers

05/03/17

▶ I’ve told you now – Sam Smith

Words might help when communicating, but music is on a whole new level.

In my bedroom, near my window, there’s a vase. It’s a truly stunning vase, because of both its decorations and the flowers it contains. To be honest, there are quite a few blossoms and, especially for this reason, I take care of them; they make the bedroom look nicer, don’t they? I mean, once you get used to this sight, you can’t imagine your bedroom without it. The relationship between us is pretty standard and, still, essential: they make my day brighter and shinier because of their pigmentation and I let them stay inside not to wither. We need each other to survive, at least that’s what you expect us to do.

Lately, unfortunately, I’ve noticed that one of them is drying out: of course I’m sorry about that because the death of a flower is never a positive sign but you know, you can’t really take it back to life. Therefore, I’m willing to accept this, give it a proper burial and tell it goodbye. 

That’s not all: a lot of the flowers I water everyday, well… I’ve discovered that they’re made out of plastic! Crazy, right? When at first I bought them, I couldn’t really imagine they were fake. Don’t misinterpret me, the fact that they’re not as skilled as an actual flower doesn’t make them less beautiful. Yet, isn’t it stupid to keep watering them? I mean, aren’t I just wasting my water and the time it takes me to take care of them? 

Today I want to be honest and say that I don’t think I’m going to take them off my little vase, nor I’m going to stop giving them the water they apparently need to survive. Mainly because I’m so used to the colours of their petals that I don’t think I could simply stop looking at them, from day to day; I’m so used to water them and actually care about their health that I couldn’t simply stop doing it.

I’m writing this down with my heart fulled of hope; hope that, one day, my vase will not have to be wider, just containing genuine and even more colourful flowers.

Ps:  from the date I wrote it on to today, a lot of things have changed and so have my feelings toward those flowers of mine. Therefore, 

12/03/17

I’ve told you now – Sam Smith

I’m suggesting your listening to the same song because, even though I’ve changed my mind, Sam is still here with me as I’m writing.

Maybe I was wrong. I do hope I was, if I have to be honest. Maybe I can take back to life that little flower of mine by, I’m not really sure, giving it the proper fertilizer and water it needs and maybe those flowers aren’t made out of plastic, the light of sun and the fact that I probably didn’t touch them the way you should touch a flower misled me. Perhaps I judged them too soo and too blindly. As soon as I can, as soon as I need to take a closer look to my vase, I’m checking again. 

Yellow. I need those yellow blossoms to survive, and that’s the tremendous truth. I hate staying alone, in the dark corners of my supposedly flower-less room, because most of the times I wouldn’t be feeling lonely: I would be forced to stay with “no one” else, it wouldn’t be a choice of mine. So, yellow could make my existence a little bit more bearable. I trust that dark shade of yellow and yes, that’s probably a mistake but I need it. What more can I do if not hope that the same goes for them? What more can I do if not hope that they’ll realise they need me as well? Hope is what I’ve got and only time will tell. One thing hasn’t changed and that’s exactly that: hope. My heart is filled with hope as much as it was a week ago. I’ll need, just as much as I do right now, to find answers to those questions. For my vase’s sake!

@layalke 🐍

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